I must have waited almost an hour at the reception…I never knew this many people came to the pastor for counselling. Some of them were not even members of our church. I kept pacing up and down, hoping I could send the other people away. After all, there’s nothing they could be going through that could be worse than my issue.
I had called before coming and Pastor Fred said I needed to see him in person. It was a huge relief when his secretary called me and said I could go in to see him.
“Pastor, I am so confused sir…I don’t even know how to tackle this. I truly love my wife; she has gone through a lot and has endured a lot for me”.
“You know part of our story and how she stood by me”.
“As at the time I left the house this morning, I couldn’t even bear to look her in the face…her heartbreak was visible and her pain was real”.
“I begged her all through yesterday and even reminded her of how faithful I had been to her. She told me if I had cheated on her, it would have been easier for her to deal with…Pastor Fred, how could cheating be better? How?”
I ranted on and on, with a view to making Pastor see it from my angle too.
“What was I supposed to do sir? I didn’t know my mum would handle it that way. I confided in her as a mother…I was just honoring her according to the word of God”
Pastor Fred, who had been quiet all along, cleared his throat and said
“Can we pray?”
I immediately kept quiet in a way that suggested consent…so he said
The Bible says that the king’s heart is in Your hand, and like the rivers of water;
You turn it wherever You wish. Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts. I commit my brother into your hands that you will make his heart receptive to the truth of Your word; which will birth the process of reconciliation in his home. Help him to see himself and areas where he fell short. That grace be released unto him to embrace the truth and walk therein.
In Jesus’ name I pray”
I said amen…albeit reluctantly. I felt like our Pastor had already taken sides, going by the words and tone of his prayer.
Pastor Fred grabbed his iPad, flipped through the screen a couple of times and said
“Brother Niran, I won’t mince words with you. I have been part of your family story from the beginning.
I am not a stranger in how you guys met and how the relationship blossomed into marriage.
Sister Funmi was very open right from the onset.
She shared things with you that she had never shared with anyone…I was even shocked at some of the things she shared.
I believe those things were shared out of trust and also to let you know what you were getting into, since you said God told you she was your wife.
Trust, at such level, is something you never want to break in any relationship.
Even God knows the value of trust because it is at the core of every healthy relationship. Take trust away and what’s left is a hollow shell devoid of openness, truth and love.
The person whose trust is broken is forced to withdraw, to avoid a repetition…and can one blame them?
There are things that should be between a couple and God ONLY; unless they have mutually agreed to share with a third party.
There are things that should forever stay between a couple and their God.
Whatever I tell you today has no meaning until you have agreed that you broke your wife’s trust and her hurt and anger are justifiable.
That is the first step toward healing…utter transparency and owning this. No buts, no excuses…you can’t say “I’m sorry for what I did but…”
I will talk to your wife too but we need to start with you
We need to tackle this from its source.
We need to deal with the action first, then and only then will it make sense to talk about the reaction.
You have to be willing to accept the consequences of your action…it is a vital tool in rebuilding trust because the offended will see it as humility
Another important tool is patience…because depending on how hurt the offended is, we may need to prayerfully wait for the pain to subside. Until then, apologies may not really make sense.
I need you to go pray about this and let the Holy Spirit expound this to you. I believe that our God is not the author of confusion and He will show you what needs to be done”
When he was done talking, he told me to hold all my questions and that he wanted me to go do what he suggested first. He prayed with me again and said I should see him that weekend…he also promised to call my wife and talk to her.
He saw me to the door and had to go back inside because of the other people that were waiting to see him…
Picture Credit (c) mindfulsynergi. com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental
Writing by Lanre Olagbaju